The Self-Gifting Guide

Here’s the thing: every month I get paid, and every month I immediately turn around and spend my own hard-earned money… on my own products. I know. It’s pathetic. It’s predictable. It’s also the only form of financial planning I’ve ever successfully followed.

I’ve stopped pretending this is a problem and started reframing it for my own convenience, which is why I’m proud - no, honoured - to introduce: The Completist Self-Gifting Guide, a blog post designed exclusively to justify my spending habits. A public service announcement disguised as helpful content. A cry for help wearing a very cute, very printed outfit.

Why wait for someone else to gift you things when you can bypass the disappointment and go straight to “add to cart”? This is economic independence! This is empowerment! (This is delusion!)

Here are the picks I absolutely do not need but will absolutely buy the second my salary appears in my account - like a small, hopeful bird I will immediately smother:

1. The Notebook That Will Absolutely Change My Life This Time

Will I become organised? Yes. Will it last more than three days? No. Will I buy another one next month because the colours are different? Correct. I may as well put that cursive practice to good use. Now just to find where I put my fountain pen...

2. The Planner That Makes Me Feel Like I Have My Sh*t Together

Technically, I buy this for Future Me, which counts as a responsible adult decision and therefore is non-refundable in spirit. And it feels like as someone who sells stationery, I should own a collection of it too. Even if I don't use it every day.

3. The Gift Wrap I Bought “Just In Case” But Will Use Only On Myself

If I’m going to spend money I shouldn’t, the least I can do is wrap it nicely and pretend it came from a mysterious admirer (me).

4. The Pen I Will Guard Like It’s the Crown Jewels

It writes smoothly. It looks beautiful on my desk. And I will physically fight anyone who even looks at it. Get your own!

5. The Bookmark I Proudly Made Myself (And Won't Shut Up About)

Oh, this bookmark? I 3D-printed it myself at work, I'll have you know. It's giving women in STEM. It's hard to be a maverick, an inventor, but someone's gotta do it. Yes, it's just a bookmark, but please allow the self-indugence.

So there you have it. A guide that is 10% helpful and 90% enabling, written by someone who has fully accepted that their greatest financial weakness is their own inventory.

If you too enjoy the thrill of self-gifting, reckless optimism, and pretending your bank account isn’t quietly weeping - welcome. You’re in the right place.